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I am a Major in the Air Force, working at the Pentagon, and I wanted to tell you about my wife, Elisa, and why I think she deserves to be pampered. When I first met Elisa, I concealed the fact that I was in the military, because I was afraid that it might be a “deal-breaker”, as I had that experience with past relationships, and I wanted her to know me for me before she made her decision.
Well, being the curious and very insightful person that she is, she quickly saw through my ruse, and not only did she accept me, but she was impressed by what I do. But the hard part was still yet to come. After we had only been on two dates, I had to leave for two months of training. But we talked on the phone every night, and she took care of my cat and my house after my house-sitter fell through halfway into the trip. And on top of that, she sent me several care packages with her wonderful baked goodies (biscotti being my personal favorite), which would become the norm for any of my long trips away from home. I had become accustomed to meeting someone, starting a relationship, and then having the Air Force send me someplace on a trip or deployment, only to find that my partners would leave me before I got back home. I knew Elisa was different after this first trip. I knew she was special.
Since then, she has stuck by me, through months apart when I was in Kuwait, Iraq, Korea, and Alaska. Before we were even married, she stuck with me through a 5 month deployment to the Middle East in which we only got to talk for 15 minutes on the phone, two times a week. I was never worried for a minute that anything would go wrong with my house while she was watching things. Reliability and dependability are two of her star qualities. Of course, the care packages came regularly and meant so much to me. Cookies were in them, of course, but silly things like artwork from her students, and my favorite brand of New Mexico green chili salsa really gave them an added special touch. I missed our 1 year anniversary during that deployment, as well as Halloween, which was our first big holiday date together, and will always be a special day for us. When I came back, even though it was January, Elisa organized a “Halloween” costume party to welcome me home.
She stuck with me through a move to Ohio, and then DC, as well as one of the biggest challenges of them all, when I was in graduate school, and due to my studies, I maybe got to see her for an hour a day, before I went back to the lab (including weekends). But not only did she support me, she supported my classmates spouses as well. As I was attending a military graduate school, I still had the position of class leader, and due to the challenging nature of the coursework many spouses were “grad school widows” for the duration of the program. I never asked Elisa to reach out to the other spouses, she just did so naturally, and fell into the role as supporter and confidant for many others, as she had for me. I ended up getting an award for my thesis (because of her support), and gave her all of my prize money for new clothes (she deserved it!).
It has not always been easy. She had made some serious sacrifices in her career for me and our relationship. When we met, she was in graduate school herself, and well on her way to a career in dance. The arts world is a very difficult one to break into in new communities, but she found a way to get a faculty position at a college in Ohio (which she had to leave after a year and a half when I moved her again), and after months of false starts, she has finally found a job that makes her happy teaching dance to young kids here in Virginia. Her sister has not been so lucky, having lost her job as an architect, as well as having her husband lose his job, less than a month after they had a new baby. So, Elisa found ways to trim our budget (mainly by trimming any spending on herself for hair, makeup, skin care, and any other pampering products) so she can send money to her sister to help care for her new baby.
Very recently, I had to go to a training up in New Jersey, and my car totally failed on me on the highway. To keep me from reporting late to the training, Elisa hopped into her car the minute she heard I was in trouble and saved the day by preventing me from being AWOL in a marathon driving session where she took me from DC to New Jersey and then drove herself all the way back home. I signed in on time, but just barely. I honestly do not know what I would have done without her. The following weekend, I had a single day off, but Elisa still made the trek of 4 hours up and 4 hours back again to spend the day with me. When I asked her if she really wanted to put herself through that long drive for such a short time together, she told me, “You are worth it.”
My wife is the epitome of “We’ll make it work,” and has always found a way to make surviving tough situations seem fun and adventurous. Finding a job here in Virginia was hard, but instead of sit back and get depressed, she re-dedicated herself to strengthen her mind and body, and lost almost 30 pounds by changing her diet and exercise patterns. She was always beautiful, but now she looks absolutely gorgeous, and I am so proud of her. She has proved to be flexible, and adaptable to all the aspects of my service in the military and makes what I do so much more meaningful, knowing that she is there to support me. Whether it is looking out for other military spouses, sending me mail and care packages, taking care of the homefront, or negotiating the labyrinthine military healthcare system, she has always come through, and I know she always will. I am the one who choose the military, but she choose me, and because of that choice that she continues to make to support me, I am better at everything that I do.
I’m getting sent on another trip by the Air Force soon, this time to Baghdad on July 27th, and I will be gone for another anniversary and another Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. And although Elisa is very sad about me having to go, she is already finding ways to make things work out for us again and even strengthen our relationship. I cannot believe I’ve only known her for 5 years. In some ways, it seems like we’ve been together forever, but in other ways, I still feel the same joy of our first dates.
Thank You,
Ryan, Maj, USAF
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